Wednesday, April 1, 2020
Parking Hieroglyphics Prove Alien Civilization! (golden oldies)
We who park on NYC streets know how to problem solve. To survive we have evolved a keen eyesight and a Water Dowser’s intuition. We can read multiple parking signs at a glance, often correctly. We can measure the distance from a hydrant with RoboCop type accuracy. We have even developed a Parking Map! Which is why this latest discovery, while sure to put me in the history books, was really just all in a day’s parking.
I was parking my car on Columbus Avenue, routinely switching on my infra-red parking locator (You don't have one of those?), when suddenly I saw something that defied human explanation. A whole lot of parking spaces! Immediately I looked around for the net, the snare, the trap that had been so obviously set, but there was nothing there but... but I don't know how to describe it. That's when I realized I had uncovered the most mind boggling, never-before-seen, alien hieroglyphics ever discovered. (sample above)
So complex that they can only be from another solar system, a so superior race. At first, the celestial symbols were incomprehensible, but then I saw them for what they are. Erich Von Daniken was right! The Gods can park their Chariots in the Heavens (or maybe they just rent), but these Aliens have descended and challenged us with encrypted messages for the greatest minds of our civilization to unravel, or be fined and towed. I mean these babies make crop circles look like nursery school doodles.
Applying all my parking skill and finding this DOT page on the internet have helped me to understand and to slowly readjust to our new human/alien society, but if you, like all of the other people on Columbus who didn’t realize they could park in the “Floating Parking Lanes” (parking spaces galore!), are haunted by these secret messages, or feel adrift and without moorings so far from the curb, here is a brief, and hopefully accurate, illustration.
Keep a sharp eye. More coded parking spaces to come.