Sunday, April 25, 2010

Contact the Mayor

          Great news! Mayor Bloomberg's office responded to my email request. Only it was the request I put in on 3/21 asking him to go after littering the way he went after noise and graffiti. I'm not surprised it took him so long. After all, the duties of a mayor of a major city must take up practically every waking moment. At least that's what I thought until I saw the NY Times article about his obsessive weekends in Bermuda.
          I mean much of this article seems unfair. Is it really my business he spends 15 hours playing golf on the weekend or how much he pays for his coffee rubbed steak? As long as he’s buying a New York Strip Steak, I feel he is with us in spirit. But a man who blocks aviation web sites from making public his many flights to Bermuda is already hiding something. What else is he hiding? We can’t really begrudge a Mayor who pays himself $1 a year from taking his private police detail along with him. We are assured that local cable television offers a lot of our same New York news stations, but I thought the Mayor was news and how can he make it if he is watching it 1500 miles away? I guess he could always phone it in. We are also assured that even when he is on the 14th hole “He is never out of reach… he can return with very short notice.” But in the event of a 9-11 type attack, wouldn’t he be grounded like everyone else? I guess his cell phone actually works in the event of national emergencies. But, could those people always plotting ways to instill terror in New Yorkers (not the parking police this time) take advantage of a city wandering around half the time with its head in the Bermuda clouds (or sunshine, as we are told he only goes in good weather)?
          We are Americans and we take our leisure time seriously, but I do have a problem with one point in Mayor B’s frequent jaunts. Apparently, his aides know not to schedule public events after Friday mornings allowing him to take off for Bermuda by the afternoon. According to the NY Times, on 13 of the last 17 Fridays, the Mayor has not had a public event scheduled after 10:00 am. The rest of us only get half-day Fridays in the Summer and that is if we are lucky! Now that is criminal negligence!
          So with all of his activities I think we can expect Mayor Bloomberg should be getting to my (and your) requests to suspend Alt Side Parking for Earth Day around about May 13th (hopefully not on a Fri). Which is why I am putting a likeness of Mayor B and a link to his Contact the Mayor page next door (model is available for short and long-term gigs @ - no nudity unless required). Some may see in this likeness an image of a Mayor who is fading into the background, but I prefer to see it as an attempt at a creative rendering of a man of some mystery that we have entrusted our city’s good fortunes to for 3 terms. With this link you will always have a direct line to hizzoner when you need it in a hurry, even when he is on the back nine, and you will be able to send all your requests and complaints (and compliments) directly to him no matter at which office, and long before I stumble in too late with a brilliant idea, so that he might actually be able to consider it in time.
          To get back to the email that he sent me, in his response, Mayor B claims he has targeted littering and advises me that whenever I see a Quality of Life Crime being committed, well here are his words:
"If you observe quality of life crimes committed in your neighborhood, please call New York City's Citizen Service Center by dialing 311."
          Problem is who hasn't had a day when your quality of life is a crime but if we all whimper to 311 every time that happens we'll be cutting into someone else's quality of life. I mean there are only so many parking spaces out there, right? On weekends that is a long distance call.

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