Sunday, August 1, 2010

Double Parking (a How To editorial)

OK, I know double parking is illegal everywhere in the city and anyone who tries it will be instantly dragged to Hell, but really I think the climate change down there could soon raise real estate values. Sometimes you have to double park, and, if you live on the upper west side, during alternate side hours you might even avoid getting a ticket, so can I at least put my 2 cents in about the lost art of double parking? Even if you are dragged to Hell, those of us left still have to deal with this car you’ve double parked right over where we are legally parked, so a refresher in what is good double parking is a useful thing for all of us living or dead.

My first of 2 cents about correct double parking is location, location, location. The above illustration is an example (cent 1) of good versus evil double parking. I appreciate many people’s sense of order compels them to park right alongside another car as shown in the top of the above illustration. It’s neat. It helps you orientate yourself in space and time but resist this temptation! It is possible to park across 2 cars like in the bottom of the above illustration and still find your way home. It makes for easier opening of car doors, fewer dings to other car doors, not to mention allows the legally parked drivers at your front and back to get out if they need to. I know, at first, it seems hard to make these kinds of drastic changes in your life, but remember at one time you didn't know how to walk and you learned, didn't you? Once you learn to do it, it’s easy and fun. And it saves gas.

My other cent about parking is shown in the very simple second illustration above. It is a bit of a puzzle, but I think we can work it out. If you have to block someone for some really good reason, leave a phone number! The person you are parked alongside may be rushing to the airport, only have minutes to pick up the perfect sized bookcase left on the street, have a life! Chances are if they go through all the taxation and misrepresentation that owning a car in this city requires, they are doing it because they want to be able to use the car when they want to use it!

If you leave a phone number on your dashboard, you give them hope. They are less likely to bang on their horn for 20 minutes. You can come let them out and then take their legal parking space! What a bargain!

So , if you must be dragged to Hell (or just use the subway), let your last act in this life be a thoughtful and considerate one to your neighbors and we will remember you fondly for it.

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