OK, the mass emails to Mayor Bloomberg have not had the effect we wanted. I want to thank the many(?) of you who took the time to request our Mayor honor Earth Day by suspending Alternate Side. Your efforts were noble, but the time for gentle persuasion is over. The Mayor would not hear our pleas. Well, let him see our demands. We must act on behalf of our heavenly planet or let our children's children's children suffer the consequences. That is why I am beginning the Alternate Side Parking Suspended for EARTH DAY Protest! The time to act is now!
We will not move our cars on Earth Day! We will not crowd the streets, will not pollute the air, will not consume the Earth’s precious natural resources with our cars on Earth Day. The Mayor and his ticket writing shock troops be damned. We will honor our great celestial home with an automobile lock down!
I invite all law-abiding citizens to join me in this protest. Let the National Guard don their riot gear; let them throw their tear gas; let them forcibly remove our automobiles. We are not afraid. As long as we know how to love, we will survive! We will burn their tickets in trash cans (with fire permits, of course). Better yet, we’ll throw them all in a wire mesh trash can and their high visibility (high anxiety) orange will make them appear as if they are burning. We will fill up the tow pounds until they have to drop our cars on the Westside Highway, until there are more tow trucks than cars, until the tow trucks themselves cannot move. The city will come to a standstill until they free our cars and us and the mighty Earth with them. The publicity will be fierce. Mayor Bloomberg will recant. In a news breaking Earth Day moment, all of the tickets will be forgiven. All of the towed cars will be released without charge and will drive a slow procession up Broadway launching the first ever Earth Day Protest Parade!
More Fine Print
As it turns out (dumb luck really), my car is on the right side for Thur and this will be true for about half of us. But I promise you we will be just as committed to the great cause as any of you, risk just as much (spiritually) as the rest of you. So, do not start that car. Do not move it. Be a part of the Great Earth Movement. This will be a day you can tell your grandchildren about with pride. This will change the importance of Earth Day for years to come. This will get you (or your car) on TV!